It's a Wonderful Life

On Tuesday

I got up from my mattress on the floor of our squat-like apartment, dressed and got all of my things ready to go to work. My little holiday felt like it was over before it even started and suddenly I was awake again at 8.00am and waiting for a tram. The tram, however, didn’t arrive, and after twenty minutes watching more and more ambulances drive up the road to where I suppose it must have stopped, I walked to another tram station, knowing I’d be late for work.

On the train I encountered the second ticket inspector I ever saw in Berlin and had to pay the fine on the spot for riding without a ticket as I realised that, as well as some unvalidated tickets, I had left my keys at home.

I got to work and aside from the fact that I had to borrow someone else’s keys to lock up everything went relatively well. It was nice to see the children again, although the twins were at home. I was due to finish when the KiTa closed at 5.30 and I was waiting with two brothers whose mother always waits until the last moment to collect them. The woman who interviewed me finished a meeting in the next building and came over to me and explained ‘I don’t want you to be worried, but someone it coming in tomorrow to see if they want your job’.

As things you can say to someone go, that’s pretty worrying. Especially when they finally found a job in Berlin, moved a load more of their stuff over from England, agreed to let an apartment for the next three months and booked for various guests including their family to visit them.

I called my Mum and she reassured me it would all work out for the best. ‘Helen, in a few months when you have a much better job you’ll be glad this happened.’

On Wednesday

I was placed in the impossibly awkward situation of showing someone around and explaining to them where things go and which twin is which while wondering what on earth was going on. My colleague, who I work with everyday, was placed in the impossibly awkward situation of having to explain to me why I was being fired because my boss didn’t want to have that awkward conversation with me.

It turns out my boss had been telling everyone I work with, and the parents of the children, that I was qualified in child development or something along those lines, and had suddenly found out that I’d been lying to her. Maybe she’d always been looking at that copy of my CV and degree certificate I gave her from a really long distance and finally got close enough to read them.

At midday my colleague asked what I needed from my boss and I explained that if I was having my contract terminated I needed it in writing. I got the letter hand delivered about ten minutes later.

I don’t so much mind about the work itself. As much as I was enjoying it, it’s hardly as though it was my dream job. And it’s a long commute. And at least it gave me the chance to stay in Berlin a little longer and earn some euros for the first time in my life. But I feel really sad about leaving the children. When I picked up one of the twins to carry him into the other room he gave me a little kiss on the cheek and then looked in the other direction as though he was pretending it wasn’t him.

I went home and moved all of my things into the new apartment which I will move into on Sunday. Then I went back and slept in the empty apartment we were leaving and sort of felt like everything in Berlin was falling away from me all of a sudden.

I phoned my Mum and she enthused about my new apartment and how great it would finally be to have my own place.

On Thursday

I left work and went to Sophie’s with the rest of my belongings. I have a two week notice period to work out and I actually didn’t feel too bad at work. The mother of the twins mentioned to my colleague that she needed some help with childcare and took my number and I started to feel like things might work out for the best. If not with that, then with something else.

I travelled later in the evening to the new apartment to exchange money for keys, until I found that I didn’t have the means by which to get any money from the bank. I bought a top-up voucher for my phone and waited and waited until I could call my parents, but the credit never loaded. Eventually I turned up at the apartment without the money and with no way of contacting anyone to help me out. Thankfully the girl whose apartment I am subletting was really supportive and rescheduled to Saturday.

On Thursday night my throat was painful and I couldn’t sleep. Then…

On Friday

I woke up feeling awful again and again, at 2am, at 4am, at 6am. Eventually at 7.30, when the KiTa opened, I called and told them I wouldn’t be coming in. They told me I would need a doctors certificate to support that I was unwell. That's great, but I don’t have a doctor in Berlin and I haven’t finalised the details of my health insurance. I travelled for just under an hour to work, where they refused to let me in because they didn’t want to catch whatever I had. They explained where I could find a doctor nearby. I went to the doctor who told me I had a throat or maybe chest infection and that I would need a course of antibiotics. She signed me off work for the rest of Friday and Monday.

I tried later that evening to withdraw money and found that my card was denied. I couldn’t reach any of my money and I was so panicked that I wouldn’t be able to get to it for Saturday.

I called my Mum and she came up with a whole host of different ways I could withdraw money, people my Dad could transfer money to, and then spent some time on the phone to my bank where she obtained a number I could call for free from Berlin to discuss the issue.

This week

I really wish I had my own apartment to go back to this week and a bed to sleep in. I wish I still had a job, and I wish I had my own money. I wish I hadn't been stopped by a ticket inspector or caught the flu. But until those things sort themselves out I'm fortunate enough to have the best parents. I know when I feel like I want to give up on Berlin and on myself they’ll help me find the strength to keep on trying. And if Berlin gives up on me, they never will.